HELP
WANTED!
"You must be the change
you wish to see in the world." ~ Mahatma Gandhi
There was a time in my life when
the conditions of the world felt very personal and
I felt completely inadequate in my attempts to reach
peace
even in my own heart. I wanted to scream
at those who didn't "get" it; those who
couldn't see that they were the cause of their own
dismay and discontent; those who were choosing to
be miserable and making others miserable in the process.
It was painful and often irritating to hear their
complaints when I could clearly see it was their own
actions and choices that kept them in a continuous
cycle of revenge and hurt. Their righteousness disgusted
me!
Then I woke up.
I woke up and realized
I was
the one who wanted to scream; I was the one who was
discontented and irritated with other's behaviors;
I was the one judging and blaming and miserable. I
was them! I was shrinking in my capacity to love at
a time when I needed to love more. As I shook the
cobwebs of my ego loose, the following words came
flooding in. Yes, the Universe was trying desperately
to teach me something and this is what it whispered:
"You cannot sit at odds with
the conditions of your life if you are not choosing
to live by your own integrity. If you are defaulting
to old beliefs and habits, don't blame others or even
your own humanness, for if you are aware of those
old beliefs and habits, you are awake! Nor can you
blame your humanness for your lack of will, for humans
exist only by will...the will to breathe, the will
to choose, the will to love. Choose from your deepest
Truth and let it be your guide when you are tempted
to opt for the old comforts of anger and blame."
"Let your Soul do your bidding.
Do not to let the ego coax you into believing you
are choosing from Truth if you have even a morsel
of fear, for Truth exists without fear, without regret,
and without shame. And do not fool yourself with anger,
hate, prejudice or victimization, for these are not
conditions of Truth. The essence of the Soul is love...nothing
more. You are love. Nothing more. And nothing less."
"Stop negating your worth!
Stop negating your will. Stop negating your capacity
for love. You are human, yes, but you are Spirit more.
Forgive your humanness and do not make excuses. Do
not begrudge another if you yourself are failing to
love at your capacity. Nor be naïve to think
your capacity has limit. Expand your love and embrace
the hate. Forgive your weakness and do not give up.
Forgive your un-forgiveness and let go of the hurt.
Stop blaming others for their lack of compassion,
for it is your own lack of compassion that breeds
blame.
Be willing to choose love, again and again and again,
when in doubt, when in pain, when in fear
and
love until there is nothing else. Nothing but endless,
boundless, love!"
Something awakened in me that day,
just as we are awakening right now as a planet. We
have work to do! We don't have time or precious energy
to waste complaining or blaming others for the state
we're in. Rather than continuing to shake our fists
at those we disagree with or simply don't understand,
rallying against their prejudice or injustice, it's
time to take responsibility for the madness we are
contributing to. Yes, responsibility! If we truly
desire peace in our world, we must first know peace
in our own hearts and minds. We must awaken at the
very deepest center of our Being and remember who
we are, each and every one of us. We are love
no
excuses; no exemptions. Each of us can and will shift
the energy of the whole when we are willing to be
and live this Truth.
If you're up for the task, and I
believe you are, remember this the next time you feel
hurt, afraid, or angered by the conditions of your
life or of this world: If you want peace, be peace.
If you want Truth, be Truth. If you want love, be
love.
Yes, we CAN change the world!
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Kate Bares-Johnson
Copyright © 2008
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"Stop letting your past determine your future!
Start here, start now, and choose life on your terms.
If you want love, be love. If you want peace, be peace.
If you want truth, be truth." ~ Kate Bares-Johnson
HEEEY
You're In My Hula-Hoop!
One of the
most significant aspects in the process of healing and
recovering our true Self is the need for healthy boundaries.
When we have, for so long, dishonored who we truly are,
we have invariably allowed others to do the same, resulting
in a deep and often unconscious sense of violation.
This can sometimes present itself in the physical sense,
showing up as abusive relationships or unhealthy communication,
however, it just as often resides on emotional and/or
psychic levels that we are unaware of and we tend to
become passive or aggressive, or both. Being passive
is an obvious indicator that a person suffers from weak
boundaries, but some people use anger, oppression, or
aggression to compensate for a deep sense of victimization
as well. These people tend to believe they have really
good boundaries, when in fact, they may have the weakest
boundaries of all. These behaviors are not true to the
Soul, but rather, they are simply survival mechanisms
that have outlived their purpose. Most of us have already
survived the pain we've suffered but are continuing
to believe we are still threatened on some level and
may be creating more pain in the process. The idea that
we must be aggressive, abusive, cynical, distrusting,
or even unforgiving in order to protect ourselves is,
first and foremost, a violation of Self.
Many years ago when I
was going through a very painful divorce, I had finally
found the courage to "set a boundary" with
my husband. I was so proud of myself for finally "putting
him in his place" (in a not-so-nice way) that I
was excitedly recounting the experience to my friend.
Expecting to get cheers from the peanut gallery, I was
surprised when my friend quietly replied with, "I'm
so sorry." I was confused and repeated myself,
asking if he had heard what I said. He said, "Yes,
I heard you. I'm just sorry you had to leave yourself
to do that. You're not a mean person, Kate, and I'm
sad that you had to become something you're not in order
to take care of yourself."
WHOAAA! WHAT? All this
work around setting my boundaries and I had done it
all wrong??
That was one of the most
profound moments of my journey. I GOT it! It wasn't
my husband who had violated me this time, but I who
had crossed my own boundary. I was so focused on protecting
myself from the "bad" guy, that I'd become
the very thing I was reeling against. I had stepped
away from my true Self. I did need to honor my boundaries
with him, however, being mean and revengeful was in
no way honoring of my Self.
This was the beginning
of my understanding of what boundaries really are
and
what they're not. They are not something we have to
muster up and wedge between ourselves and others; they're
not something we can go get, set, or draw in the sand.
They're not a wall that comes slamming down or a bridge
that is drawn when danger approaches. Simply put, our
boundaries are our individual and very personal space
on the planet. I like to imagine it as if we each had
our own hula-hoop we walked around in. It'd be a little
awkward at first, however, we'd soon get used to maneuvering
around rather than crashing into each other because
our boundaries would be so very obvious. And the best
news is, we COME with them!
Within our own hula-hoop,
each of us has the birth-given, God-given right to choose
however and whatever we desire. We can choose to speak,
hear, touch, be touched, dance, be still, sing, cry,
scream, feel or not feel. We can say yes, no, not now,
go away, come close, or anything in-between. It is only
and always our choice. If we have stepped away from
the responsibility of honoring these choices, we have
simply laid down our hula-hoop and forgotten who we
are for the moment.
Therefore, when we talk
about healthy boundaries, we are referring to a healthy
honoring of what already exists and we must begin by
recognizing and honoring our true Self, which has existed
within us from day one. This is not a selfish act, but
rather, the very basis of unconditional love. It is
not true to our essential nature to be harsh, unloving,
or unkind
bitter, angry, hurt, or victimized, and
if you look closely enough within your Self, you will
find there is a genuinely beautiful Soul who only desires
to express and experience love!
So next time someone
bumps into your hula-hoop or dumps some yuck in there,
rather than react in a passive or aggressive manner,
simply remember who you are and honor that. There, standing
in the center of your hula-hoop, you will find your
Self.
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Kate Bares-Johnson
Copyright © 2007
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What's
in
Your Suitcase? |
In my relationship work with couples, as
well as in my own partnership, I've found there
are certain key elements necessary to create and
maintain healthy, intimate relationships. When
we enter into partnerships, we each come with
a suitcase packed with life experiences. Once
we begin the process of unpacking and settling
in, we sometimes find the contents in our partners
suitcase less than desirable and here it begins
the
maddening, codependent process of attempting to
change our mate so WE can be happy. |
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We must learn to dig in our own suitcase, recovering
and healing from the wounds of our past, if we want
to be truly happy, in or OUT, of relationships.
The five key principles
of creating and sustaining a healthy, intimate relationship
are:
1) Dig in your OWN suitcase!
2) Honor and Validate
your Self and your partner.
3) Do NOT attack (in
word, thought or action).
4) Remember that you
are TEAMMATES.
5) Remember the Higher
PURPOSE of your relationship.
Rather than opting for
the old fight or flight responses, perhaps
understanding these few basic principals will be helpful
toward creating a healthy, purposeful, JOYFUL union!
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Kate Bares-Johnson
Copyright © 2004
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I
have found that if I love until it hurts, there is no
more hurt
there is only more love. ~ Mother
Theresa
True Love
When we think
of being in love, our first thoughts usually turn to
the romantic notion of finding and embracing "the
one"
our soul-mate
our beloved. That
special person
who is meant just for us. When our paths cross, we may
feel ourselves literally falling
uncontrollably,
irresistibly surrendering to the feelings of love and
admiration we feel, and it's a wonderful feeling. It's
our fairy-tale come true!
However, in our search
for that "right" relationship, we are often
unaware that we are actually seeking validation of the
love that already exists within ourselves. For instance,
many hold the idea that if they never find that right
person, they may never feel complete and tend to become
desperate and needy, sabotaging their efforts. Or, if
they do find someone who fits the criteria, they become
possessive and obsessive in their attempts to hold onto
what they believe makes them whole and happy, again,
sabotaging the relationship. If we are being honest,
most of us would have to admit that we've found ourselves
in this state in at least one relationship or two! If
so and you are discouraged about finding the right "one",
perhaps it's simply time to try on another perspective
of love itself.
The greatest obstacle
on our path to true love is the belief that love is
something we do. Love is not something we do; it is
what we are. It is the energy of which all things exist.
It is the essence of our being, the truth of our soul
the
evidence of God within us. Love is not something that
we can give or receive, but something we experience.
To allow ourselves to
experience our full capacity for love is to embrace
all that we are, beyond our ego beliefs, beyond our
human conditioning, beyond our fear and our need to
validate it from the outside, and to simply allow its
energy to flow through us, permeating life itself.
In our humanness, we
limit our potential to experience love through our need
to express it in tangible, physical form. If there is
no one to love or love us back, we often feel empty
and lonely. Yet, our capacity for love is not dependent
on anything outside of us. It is the gift of Spirit,
and it is our own life force. To truly express love
or to allow ourselves to feel it from another is to
accept our own love and be willing to be fully present
in it. It is not derived from the relationship, but
from a Divine state of consciousness, reflected back
to us in those with whom we express it. To be "in
love," is to live in the energy of
love, consistently and by choice. It is to allow ourselves
to fall deeply, intimately, into the depth of our own
capacity for love. To experience love to this degree
is to expand
to open our hearts and allow it to
fill us up from the inside out. It is to surrender to
being love, rather than extracting it from another.
To realize this spiritual
nature of love, beyond our human need to express and
experience it, is to know love in its purest form. It
is beyond measure; beyond our ability to understand
it; beyond our human limitations. Yet, it flows through
every fiber of life and exists innately within each
of us. Our ability to access it is only in our willingness
to accept that we are worthy of being it.
It is in this, our truest
connection with God, that we feel the most exquisite
joy in our experience of love with another human being.
This is an often challenging perspective to consider,
as we don't want to give up our romantic ideas of being
in love, and we don't have to. Those wonderful butterflies
in our belly, the excitement and sweetness of being
close to another
these are some of the most precious
moments in life! But in our search for "the one"
who will fulfill our longing to love and be loved completely,
we have forgotten to look in the most obvious of places
within
ourselves.
Our love is our love,
and the bliss we experience when loving another is derived
from our own willingness to own it, embrace it, and
allow it to flow freely.
We are love.
There's nothing to do but stand still and experience
the current flowing through us. Let go of everything
else! Just stand still.
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Kate Bares-Johnson
Copyright © 2007
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Whether
we have it all or we have nothing, we always have a
choice. That simple truth changes
everything! ~ Kate Bares-Johnson
What
if . . .
Stop for just a moment and wrap
your mind around this idea: What if...every experience
of your life has been a precious gift, intended to serve
your highest good? Not just the ones that brought you
joy and success, but also your failures, disappointments
and losses as well? What if
you are SO loved and
worthy that the Universe is continuously providing you
with every thing you need to grow strong in your truth,
heal, evolve, and be the best you can be? What would
be different in your life right now if you had known
that all along?
What if
you walked
through every day with the awareness that life is happening
FOR you rather than TO you and that even those things
that deliver discord, disharmony, and disruption are
intended to serve you in some way?
Imagine the possibilities
that holds!
If you are waiting for
proof that this is true, there isn't any
but theres
none to the contrary either! We can spend our lives
searching for evidence that life is indeed in our favor,
Divinely guided and intended as our gift, or we can
spend it searching for evidence that life is difficult,
the world is against us, and we are unworthy. This is
our choice and with it, comes good news/bad news: We
will always find our evidence, BUT, we will only find
the evidence we seek. You see, the outcome lies not
out there, but rather within us, in our choice of how
we view the world. We can rely on past experiences to
shape our perception or we can accept the present moment
and the power to choose something different.
Ultimately, it is only
our CHOICES that determine our perspective, so, why
not choose to perceive ALL your experiences as gifts
and see what happens? Granted, your circumstances may
not change immediately
but your life WILL!
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Kate Bares-Johnson
Copyright © 2004
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In
soloing - as in other activities - it is far easier
to start something than it is to finish it. ~
Amelia Earhart
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