HELP WANTED!

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

There was a time in my life when the conditions of the world felt very personal and I felt completely inadequate in my attempts to reach peace…even in my own heart. I wanted to scream at those who didn't "get" it; those who couldn't see that they were the cause of their own dismay and discontent; those who were choosing to be miserable and making others miserable in the process. It was painful and often irritating to hear their complaints when I could clearly see it was their own actions and choices that kept them in a continuous cycle of revenge and hurt. Their righteousness disgusted me!

Then I woke up.

I woke up and realized…I was the one who wanted to scream; I was the one who was discontented and irritated with other's behaviors; I was the one judging and blaming and miserable. I was them! I was shrinking in my capacity to love at a time when I needed to love more. As I shook the cobwebs of my ego loose, the following words came flooding in. Yes, the Universe was trying desperately to teach me something and this is what it whispered:

"You cannot sit at odds with the conditions of your life if you are not choosing to live by your own integrity. If you are defaulting to old beliefs and habits, don't blame others or even your own humanness, for if you are aware of those old beliefs and habits, you are awake! Nor can you blame your humanness for your lack of will, for humans exist only by will...the will to breathe, the will to choose, the will to love. Choose from your deepest Truth and let it be your guide when you are tempted to opt for the old comforts of anger and blame."

"Let your Soul do your bidding. Do not to let the ego coax you into believing you are choosing from Truth if you have even a morsel of fear, for Truth exists without fear, without regret, and without shame. And do not fool yourself with anger, hate, prejudice or victimization, for these are not conditions of Truth. The essence of the Soul is love...nothing more. You are love. Nothing more. And nothing less."

"Stop negating your worth! Stop negating your will. Stop negating your capacity for love. You are human, yes, but you are Spirit more. Forgive your humanness and do not make excuses. Do not begrudge another if you yourself are failing to love at your capacity. Nor be naïve to think your capacity has limit. Expand your love and embrace the hate. Forgive your weakness and do not give up. Forgive your un-forgiveness and let go of the hurt. Stop blaming others for their lack of compassion, for it is your own lack of compassion that breeds blame.
Be willing to choose love, again and again and again, when in doubt, when in pain, when in fear…and love until there is nothing else. Nothing but endless, boundless, love!"

Something awakened in me that day, just as we are awakening right now as a planet. We have work to do! We don't have time or precious energy to waste complaining or blaming others for the state we're in. Rather than continuing to shake our fists at those we disagree with or simply don't understand, rallying against their prejudice or injustice, it's time to take responsibility for the madness we are contributing to. Yes, responsibility! If we truly desire peace in our world, we must first know peace in our own hearts and minds. We must awaken at the very deepest center of our Being and remember who we are, each and every one of us. We are love…no excuses; no exemptions. Each of us can and will shift the energy of the whole when we are willing to be and live this Truth.

If you're up for the task, and I believe you are, remember this the next time you feel hurt, afraid, or angered by the conditions of your life or of this world: If you want peace, be peace. If you want Truth, be Truth. If you want love, be love.

Yes, we CAN change the world!

Kate Bares-Johnson Copyright © 2008

"Stop letting your past determine your future! Start here, start now, and choose life on your terms. If you want love, be love. If you want peace, be peace. If you want truth, be truth." ~ Kate Bares-Johnson

HEEEY You're In My Hula-Hoop!
One of the most significant aspects in the process of healing and recovering our true Self is the need for healthy boundaries. When we have, for so long, dishonored who we truly are, we have invariably allowed others to do the same, resulting in a deep and often unconscious sense of violation. This can sometimes present itself in the physical sense, showing up as abusive relationships or unhealthy communication, however, it just as often resides on emotional and/or psychic levels that we are unaware of and we tend to become passive or aggressive, or both. Being passive is an obvious indicator that a person suffers from weak boundaries, but some people use anger, oppression, or aggression to compensate for a deep sense of victimization as well. These people tend to believe they have really good boundaries, when in fact, they may have the weakest boundaries of all. These behaviors are not true to the Soul, but rather, they are simply survival mechanisms that have outlived their purpose. Most of us have already survived the pain we've suffered but are continuing to believe we are still threatened on some level and may be creating more pain in the process. The idea that we must be aggressive, abusive, cynical, distrusting, or even unforgiving in order to protect ourselves is, first and foremost, a violation of Self.

Many years ago when I was going through a very painful divorce, I had finally found the courage to "set a boundary" with my husband. I was so proud of myself for finally "putting him in his place" (in a not-so-nice way) that I was excitedly recounting the experience to my friend. Expecting to get cheers from the peanut gallery, I was surprised when my friend quietly replied with, "I'm so sorry." I was confused and repeated myself, asking if he had heard what I said. He said, "Yes, I heard you. I'm just sorry you had to leave yourself to do that. You're not a mean person, Kate, and I'm sad that you had to become something you're not in order to take care of yourself."

WHOAAA! WHAT? All this work around setting my boundaries and I had done it all wrong??

That was one of the most profound moments of my journey. I GOT it! It wasn't my husband who had violated me this time, but I who had crossed my own boundary. I was so focused on protecting myself from the "bad" guy, that I'd become the very thing I was reeling against. I had stepped away from my true Self. I did need to honor my boundaries with him, however, being mean and revengeful was in no way honoring of my Self.

This was the beginning of my understanding of what boundaries really are…and what they're not. They are not something we have to muster up and wedge between ourselves and others; they're not something we can go get, set, or draw in the sand. They're not a wall that comes slamming down or a bridge that is drawn when danger approaches. Simply put, our boundaries are our individual and very personal space on the planet. I like to imagine it as if we each had our own hula-hoop we walked around in. It'd be a little awkward at first, however, we'd soon get used to maneuvering around rather than crashing into each other because our boundaries would be so very obvious. And the best news is, we COME with them!

Within our own hula-hoop, each of us has the birth-given, God-given right to choose however and whatever we desire. We can choose to speak, hear, touch, be touched, dance, be still, sing, cry, scream, feel or not feel. We can say yes, no, not now, go away, come close, or anything in-between. It is only and always our choice. If we have stepped away from the responsibility of honoring these choices, we have simply laid down our hula-hoop and forgotten who we are for the moment.

Therefore, when we talk about healthy boundaries, we are referring to a healthy honoring of what already exists and we must begin by recognizing and honoring our true Self, which has existed within us from day one. This is not a selfish act, but rather, the very basis of unconditional love. It is not true to our essential nature to be harsh, unloving, or unkind…bitter, angry, hurt, or victimized, and if you look closely enough within your Self, you will find there is a genuinely beautiful Soul who only desires to express and experience love!

So next time someone bumps into your hula-hoop or dumps some yuck in there, rather than react in a passive or aggressive manner, simply remember who you are and honor that. There, standing in the center of your hula-hoop, you will find your Self.

Kate Bares-Johnson Copyright © 2007

What's in Your Suitcase?

“In my relationship work with couples, as well as in my own partnership, I've found there are certain key elements necessary to create and maintain healthy, intimate relationships. When we enter into partnerships, we each come with a suitcase packed with life experiences. Once we begin the process of unpacking and settling in, we sometimes find the contents in our partner’s suitcase less than desirable and here it begins…the maddening, codependent process of attempting to change our mate so WE can be happy.

We must learn to dig in our own suitcase, recovering and healing from the wounds of our past, if we want to be truly happy, in or OUT, of relationships.”

The five key principles of creating and sustaining a healthy, intimate relationship are:

1) Dig in your OWN suitcase!

2) Honor and Validate your Self and your partner.

3) Do NOT attack (in word, thought or action).

4) Remember that you are TEAMMATES.

5) Remember the Higher PURPOSE of your relationship.

Rather than opting for the old “fight or flight” responses, perhaps understanding these few basic principals will be helpful toward creating a healthy, purposeful, JOYFUL union!

Kate Bares-Johnson Copyright © 2004

“I have found that if I love until it hurts, there is no more hurt…there is only more love.” ~ Mother Theresa

True Love
When we think of being in love, our first thoughts usually turn to the romantic notion of finding and embracing "the one"…our soul-mate…our beloved. That special person
who is meant just for us. When our paths cross, we may feel ourselves literally falling…uncontrollably, irresistibly surrendering to the feelings of love and admiration we feel, and it's a wonderful feeling. It's our fairy-tale come true!

However, in our search for that "right" relationship, we are often unaware that we are actually seeking validation of the love that already exists within ourselves. For instance, many hold the idea that if they never find that right person, they may never feel complete and tend to become desperate and needy, sabotaging their efforts. Or, if they do find someone who fits the criteria, they become possessive and obsessive in their attempts to hold onto what they believe makes them whole and happy, again, sabotaging the relationship. If we are being honest, most of us would have to admit that we've found ourselves in this state in at least one relationship or two! If so and you are discouraged about finding the right "one", perhaps it's simply time to try on another perspective of love itself.

The greatest obstacle on our path to true love is the belief that love is something we do. Love is not something we do; it is what we are. It is the energy of which all things exist. It is the essence of our being, the truth of our soul…the evidence of God within us. Love is not something that we can give or receive, but something we experience.

To allow ourselves to experience our full capacity for love is to embrace all that we are, beyond our ego beliefs, beyond our human conditioning, beyond our fear and our need to validate it from the outside, and to simply allow its energy to flow through us, permeating life itself.

In our humanness, we limit our potential to experience love through our need to express it in tangible, physical form. If there is no one to love or love us back, we often feel empty and lonely. Yet, our capacity for love is not dependent on anything outside of us. It is the gift of Spirit, and it is our own life force. To truly express love or to allow ourselves to feel it from another is to accept our own love and be willing to be fully present in it. It is not derived from the relationship, but from a Divine state of consciousness, reflected back to us in those with whom we express it. To be "in love," is to live in the energy of
love, consistently and by choice. It is to allow ourselves to fall deeply, intimately, into the depth of our own capacity for love. To experience love to this degree is to expand…to open our hearts and allow it to fill us up from the inside out. It is to surrender to being love, rather than extracting it from another.

To realize this spiritual nature of love, beyond our human need to express and experience it, is to know love in its purest form. It is beyond measure; beyond our ability to understand it; beyond our human limitations. Yet, it flows through every fiber of life and exists innately within each of us. Our ability to access it is only in our willingness to accept that we are worthy of being it.

It is in this, our truest connection with God, that we feel the most exquisite joy in our experience of love with another human being. This is an often challenging perspective to consider, as we don't want to give up our romantic ideas of being in love, and we don't have to. Those wonderful butterflies in our belly, the excitement and sweetness of being close to another…these are some of the most precious moments in life! But in our search for "the one" who will fulfill our longing to love and be loved completely, we have forgotten to look in the most obvious of places…within ourselves.

Our love is our love, and the bliss we experience when loving another is derived from our own willingness to own it, embrace it, and allow it to flow freely.

We are love. There's nothing to do but stand still and experience the current flowing through us. Let go of everything else! Just stand still.

Kate Bares-Johnson Copyright © 2007

“Whether we have it all or we have nothing, we always have a choice.     That simple truth changes everything!” ~ Kate Bares-Johnson

What if . . .
Stop for just a moment and wrap your mind around this idea: What if...every experience of your life has been a precious gift, intended to serve your highest good? Not just the ones that brought you joy and success, but also your failures, disappointments and losses as well? What if…you are SO loved and worthy that the Universe is continuously providing you with every thing you need to grow strong in your truth, heal, evolve, and be the best you can be? What would be different in your life right now if you had known that all along?

What if…you walked through every day with the awareness that life is happening FOR you rather than TO you and that even those things that deliver discord, disharmony, and disruption are intended to serve you in some way?

Imagine the possibilities that holds!

If you are waiting for proof that this is true, there isn't any…but there’s none to the contrary either! We can spend our lives searching for evidence that life is indeed in our favor, Divinely guided and intended as our gift, or we can spend it searching for evidence that life is difficult, the world is against us, and we are unworthy. This is our choice and with it, comes good news/bad news: We will always find our evidence, BUT, we will only find the evidence we seek. You see, the outcome lies not out there, but rather within us, in our choice of how we view the world. We can rely on past experiences to shape our perception or we can accept the present moment and the power to choose something different.

Ultimately, it is only our CHOICES that determine our perspective, so, why not choose to perceive ALL your experiences as gifts and see what happens? Granted, your circumstances may not change immediately…but your life WILL!

Kate Bares-Johnson Copyright © 2004

“In soloing - as in other activities - it is far easier to start something than it is to finish it.” ~ Amelia Earhart